Local Student Literally Too Angry To Die

Last week, the pressure of the upcoming finals have started to get to some students. Some have gone an extra step.

One such student, Atholton’s own Nathan Debruin, has recently declared that he’s too angry to fail, and has gone into a fit of premature studying. Debruin, a freshman, said he had seen pictures of what had happened to high school students during finals, and that the picture enraged him so much, he just snapped. “I don’t know why,” Debruin remarked. “I just remember thinking, in a fit of blind rage, ‘that can’t happen to me.’ So I decided to start studying now instead of waiting.”

This is just one example of a string of anger-induced studying sessions in the last few years. Some theorize that the increased amounts of stress that students are under today have contributed to this, a suggestion which Kylie Falton agrees with. “We’re all really stressed,” said Falton, a sophomore. “All the standardized testing doesn’t help either.”

But what exactly is an ‘anger-induced study session’? Scientists describe them as outlets for anger in the form of intense studying. Samuel Dickover, however, describes the typical angry study session as “anywhere from six to twelve hours of red film over your eyes, helped along by coffee and a sense of overwhelming anxiety afterwards.”

Scientists, who up until recently had dismissed the phenomenon, have now found evidence that supports its existence, including a surge of angry texts and e-mails to the scientists around finals week from high school students. Home studies also indicate that some students go into a near-catatonic state for a short time after studying. Junior Noah Kim, simply stared at his computer, according to his mother. “His eyes were bloodshot,” said Mrs. Kim. “He wouldn’t get up, wouldn’t eat.”

Some scientists have tried studying these sessions, wondering if students are actually more productive when enraged. As it turns out, it is, albeit only slightly. James Jameson, an independent researcher who has dedicate his life to studying high school students, said that his research showed “a two to three percent increase in productivity, on average.” He also remarked that the situation had to be “just right”: a major upcoming test, access to good coffee, and no other outlet for their anger.

Now, the question across the country is where high schoolers should go from here. Some students hope to use this new discovery to their advantage while studying, but doctors have advised students not to get too angry, lest they overwork themselves. Says Dr. Johannes John, PhD: “This is a new phenomenon, and we don’t know quite how to treat any side effects yet. However, we can be certain that these angry students outside our office aren’t going to leave unless we find answers.”