April 1 2019
After the Lakers’ Wednesday night 110-94 loss to the Atlanta Hawks, Lebron James made it clear that he was not happy with the state of the Lakers, and was more than willing to make changes.
“I told them in the locker room to get their playing together, fast, or I’m cutting all of them!” Lebron said, adding that, “this was embarrassing, I’ve made eight straight finals and now I may not even make the playoffs. I’d be better off playing one-on-five than playing with these bums.”
An unnamed source also reported that Lebron told the entire locker room that Friday night’s home game against the Phoenix Suns could be the last game they play together as a team, should they lose, and that he was “very upset” with the players not being good enough to trade for New Orleans Pelicans’ power forward Anthony Davis. In their last five games, the Lakers have only scored a total of 35 points, seven points per game, in 65 minutes with Lebron on the bench.
Multiple players have revealed their plans to get back on Lebron’s good side, and some have even revealed possible reason for their poor play.
“Lebron is my personal God, so imagine being on the court with God. You wouldn’t be able to play well, you would just be so starstruck that you wouldn’t be able to focus,” forward Brandon Ingram said. Ingram, who is having a solid, but not great, junior season, has been one of the most talked about players on the trade block.
Ingram also added that he plans to get on ‘Bron’s good side by, “giving him his entire annual salary [for the 2019-20 season] to buy Bronny a custom Ferrari for his first car.”
Even players who are injured aren’t safe from Lebron’s cutting board. Sophomore point guard Lonzo Ball, who has been out for a significant amount of the season with an ankle sprain, said, “I plan on duct taping my father’s mouth for the rest of my career, even if that doesn’t get me back on his good side, it’ll at least increase my trade value since teams will know they won’t have to deal with him.” This quote comes even with the knowledge that Ball is a potential all-defensive player and that the Lakers are undoubtedly better with him on the floor.
Finally, after a disappointing sophomore season, guard Josh Hart boldly stated that Lebron is the reason for his poor play, he said “It’s pretty hard to shoot with confidence when you know that if you miss, you’ll move up a spot on his ‘Who Do I Get Rid of First’ list. I mean, every time I shoot, I feel like I’m shooting with my career on the line. I want to see you try making a shot with pressure like that.”
After hearing these statements from his fellow players, Lebron emphasized that the only way for someone to get back on his good side is to, “take some of this team off my back since right now I am carrying all of them,” and to not only make the playoffs, but beat the Golden State Warriors in at least three games. Lebron finished his statement by saying, “I know most times, a sweep is four games, but we better beat them [the Golden State Warriors] so badly they decide to forfeit the fourth game. And if we don’t do this, even if we win every game until then, the team will be gone, come July, when AD [Anthony Davis] goes back on sale, since I will trade this entire organization to get him if I have to, including the owner.”