Category: Atholt-Onion
Anti-Vax Moms Begin Half-Hearted World Takeover
Julia Washington, Brooke Harper, and Stacy Ashburn have formed a group dubbed “Anti-Vax Moms Against the World.”
High School Teacher Did Not Assign Homework, Arrested
A teacher at Central Valley High School was arrested and escorted out of her classroom yesterday during fourth period for not assigning any homework to her students.
AHS Introduces Underwater Basket Weaving as Varsity Sport
People gathered around the pool, breathing in the chlorine and tension filling the air. Underneath the surface of the water, there were five students, strapped with scuba diving masks and ready to win. “Get set,” […]
Trump Spotted at Local Party City Store Buying King Costume
Trump reported to be “super excited” and “ready to rule”
NBA Decides To Add A 4-point Line Due To The Effortlessness Of Making 3-Pointers
Abideen Jallow April 1 2019 Staff Reporter “This is too easy,” said Stephen Curry of the Golden State Warriors. In this era of the NBA, 3-point shooting has become a lot more prominent than in […]
Knicks Superfan Heartbroken After Girlfriend Leaves Him
All of us can learn from the mistakes of Knicks superfan, Matthew Cooper, who took his former girlfriend Susan Kitchens to her first NBA game last Friday night at Madison Square Garden.
Local Toddler Outraged He Can’t Watch Sesame Street Past 8 pm
Tossing and turning throughout the night, two-year-old Bradley Hopper made sure to ruin everyone’s night.
Report: Lebron threatens to cut entire Lakers team if they suffer one more bad loss
After the Lakers’ Wednesday night 110-94 loss to the Atlanta Hawks, Lebron James made it clear that he was not happy with the state of the Lakers, and was more than willing to make changes.
Local Student Literally Too Angry To Die
Last week, the pressure of the upcoming finals have started to get to some students. Some have gone an extra step. One such student, Atholton’s own Nathan Debruin, has recently declared that he’s too angry […]
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